


In the Morning

by Nightlock



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: Climbing Class, Danji-Doodle insired AU, F/M, M/M, Other, Post Game, exorJosh, some Josh/Chri/Sam kinda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-18
Updated: 2015-11-18
Packaged: 2018-05-02 05:38:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5236334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nightlock/pseuds/Nightlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh takes a morning to reflect his progress over the last two years. (Takes place post game and rated for language and mild violent depictions)</p>
            </blockquote>





	In the Morning

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the amazing Danji-Doodle's exorJosh AU on tumblr <3 I can't imagine anyone not liking her stuff, please check it out if you haven't yet!

It was warm. It was always warm nowadays. The enveloping feeling of life and light were almost a norm. Almost. It was the morning sun that fought back the cold, creeping darkness that often tried to conquer and devour Josh in his sleep. Nightmares were still fresh and unyielding even after the grueling two years of recovery. There were raw emotions as thick as molasses that dripped slowly and smothered the twinkle of life in everyone’s lives that were involved in ‘the incident’ as they all had to come into grips of what happened back in Blackwood. It was a process that was never done. Relationships were still strained and edgy in a sense but the healing was apparent. The filtered light bursting through the blinds was contrast and a frequent a reminder of the horror Josh had created and escaped. He barely escaped with his life and of course a huge price had been paid in full all at once. It was surreal. There was a blurred, foggy time of Josh’s lost humanity. He barely recalled anything like it was a volt door secret in the catacombs of his mind. Like the first touch of human flesh to his chapped lips that eventually led to the immunity of the aches in his body, the pain in his heart and the fractured buzzing of his mind that told him lies all were forgotten. Possibly suppressed. He knew there was still a monster festering deep inside him waiting for him to fuck up and fail so it can be freed and conquer. Josh was honestly afraid sometimes that he would lose the internal on-going battle and that this beast would find a way out, scale up from the depths of his personal hell and burrow so deep into his mind that it would be another possession. Possession was such a slippery word. When he had come to it was all nonsense to him. Aborigine lore, wendigoes, cannibalism, curses. It was all information that bounced off of him and ricocheted hard enough to kill a man in a metaphorical sense. When the world was no longer a strong intense hungry and a human flesh craving madhouse with only the instinct to kill and eat-or eat and kill, whichever came first- it was silent and dark. Filtered vision of what was wild, red and unclear had become lucid and abandoned Josh into a new reality. Everything was painful. His body, his head, his skin, even exposure to light hurt. Too much to process and it was overwhelming like being born. Or so Josh figured that’s what it felt like and that explained one of the reasons why babies fucking cried when it happened. The world had become new again. He could hear crying, wailing, that felt like he’d go deaf from. Another voice was deep but broken like glass and touch to bot of his arms simultaneously that felt like nerves were ripping at the seams. It caused Josh to react in hysterical fear and yell out I pain. His back arched under the restriction of a torso bid and his arms struggled against bands keeping him down. Wailing and distorted words had become the ramblings of medical terms and after the touch of something like a mask to Josh’s face he was soon met with darkness.

When Josh came to a second time everything had calmed. The storm had settled and he was fucking tired. He remembers this fatigue so well because it was constant company even after the ordeal. It was then he found out his freak out had been from his parents that time before when he was hypersensitive. They now hovered over him with tear stained cheeks and watery, red eyes. His parents were so worried they’d lost him too. They explained it all, the grueling months of trying every medical treatment in the book until his father came across a more supernatural approach. A shamanic group, a ritual and then freedom; that was the equation basically. It was the first time since his sisters’ deaths that he realized his parents had been through just as much shit as he had, more or less anyway. That they missed Beth and Hannah immensely and if Josh had not come back they’d have missed him that way too. The shock of everything had made it hard for Josh to process but he knew he had been loved. Even when he felt he was a monster his parent’s love had been unconditional. It was as wonderful and it were painful. 

There were countless days and nights where the desire to live was questionable, where the memories that drove his prank ambitions were fresh and renewed and somewhere deep to a point not even his medications could touch. Even so Josh knew he could be better one day. He wanted to be but everything was muddled. There was only the vivid, piercing pools of red and the doubling, vague colors and shapes, within his vision at the time were the freshest when he came to the first time. It was all he remembered. It was a nightmare. A fleeting numbness that left insufferable pains behind in its wake had racked Josh’s body. Some nights he could still feel the throbbing, rolling, relentless pain as though he had come to yesterday. The thought led to a weak whimper as he lay in the bed he shared with his best friend, Chris, as the morning light made itself known. Josh didn’t live there all the time but sometimes he visited for days or weeks at a time with his parent’s permission of course. Home was still so close by and his parents trusted him in Chris’ care when Josh did leave. He was the most intimate with details like medication times, diet, and appointments. Just all of it. Chris had become something permanent in his life and he felt he didn’t deserve it. Not after what he did. He fucked with his bro’s emotions and mind in general and he still came back. Chris had much more to say but he never mentioned Blackwood and Josh’s actions or his the first few weeks. Before they fell into a comfortable routine he’d just cry and hold Josh like he was the one who bought their misfortune into fruition. It was hard nights to be sure. 

The light in the room had made all of that seem so far away. Well, not too far away but maybe at least enough to keep the darkness at bay. When Josh stayed over they shared Chris’ bed and Josh always preferred the side closer to the window. It made him feel like his horrid thoughts, dreams and darkness could melt by the sun or escape at night and hopefully never return but they always did. It was irrelevant now because the light was so golden and inviting as it crested the floor, sheets and the skin on Josh’s arm with warm that felt like a hug. He really was alive. Sometimes it felt like a dream and one day he’d wake up to the unforgiving, violating chill of the mines where only darkness and monsters of the night lurked. Where only death awaited him. 

“…Fuck.” Josh had just woken up but he felt exhausted. Closest to the bedroom window of Chris’ apartment Josh was always greeted with the daylight first. He was always up first too and he hated it sometimes because it meant being alone with his thoughts. Even though Chris had his own demons he had to slay sleep was so embracing towards him. Sleep was the personification of what their group of friends were. In the beginning Chris had been a more welcoming member to easily accept. Why wouldn’t he be? He was as much a victim as they were. Victim to the mastermind who thought a prank would solve his suffering that ultimately put them all in danger. He couldn’t predict such a scenario of mountain monsters, no one could, but that logic did not persuade the guilt to leave. Josh smiled bitterly as he sat up and leaned on the bed’s headboard at the thought. His eyes fell downcast to his hands that were nestled between his legs. They were decorated in dark scars from the restraints necessary to keep him in check back when treatment was in progress. Or so he was told by his parents. He didn’t remember. He didn’t want to. He did remember the drift he created between everyone and was still slowly mending it. 

“I’m…I’m sorry I let you down. I should’ve went back, I could’ve-” Chris had been the most willing and was the first to see Josh when his parents informed every one of his return. He bared his soul and apologized about failing his best friend and it was the first time Josh had cried since Hannah and Beth’s deaths were still fresh; almost two years. Chris had been around all the time after that. It was like when they were kids again. At first it was awkward but instead of Chris being the silent kid lost in his mind with insecurities that needed boosting it had been Josh this time. He wore his surgical mask religiously but one night in the middle of a match playing Street Fighter IV for the hell of it Josh paused and the room grew ridiculously silent. It was like the world had gone mute. Chris had stared at his best bro and was concerned. Josh said nothing as he removed his mask. The scars were deep and transformed teeth of the wendigo’s possession had perked through the opening of the side of his mouth like daggers. They gleamed in the limited light and Chris had been silent. The lack of a verbal response had made Josh uncomfortable so he turned his head to show his good side and hide the visual horror he now was. 

“I guess I can’t wear ‘I woke up like this’ shirts anymore.” It was a lame joke he didn’t even recite with his past humorous charm. He sounded unsure, small and weak. His scrawny frame concealed by casual wear only made him look even smaller. Chris took his friend by the shoulders and forced eye contact. Chris’ eye gleamed and he looked so serious Josh didn’t know how to process it. 

“You don’t have to hide from me. You never have to hide anything from me, Josh. You have nothing to be ashamed of.” He hadn’t said not a single syllable without it being a conviction to how he felt. Josh trembled and a weak sound, a whimper, left his throat. Chris asked for permission to touch his face and it was granted. He was so gentle it was as though he thought Josh could break by a mere tap. Scarred, textured flesh and warm, hard fangs received ghostly caresses by Chris’ hand before he was more confident and comfortable to apply more prominent yet gentle touches. He reassured Josh he was beautiful and Josh had tried to hold back tears. He knew Chris hadn’t just said it out of pity or obligation. A night of games turned into an experience of comfort, reassurance and the regaining of some confidence within them both. It was that night that changed how often Josh wore his mask. He felt no need when Chris was around but he still never ate around him or anyone. He’d starve first. 

The next was Sam after some time had passed. ‘Some time’ meant not immediate so Josh invested in the hope that that would change. That he’d see everyone again eventually. With the request from his parents they purchased him a calendar and a pack of highlighters. There were eight total and Josh had a highlighter color for every friend. He’d tally the days they were absent from his life religiously like a prisoner counting his days in a cell on the concrete wall. He only needed seven, well, six and took the extra, light blue, for himself and Chris had green that was apparently never used since he was always around without hesitation. He counted down the days and tallied them like he was waiting. Each friend had been assigned a color. Sam had been red. Josh hands shook every time he had to pick up the red highlighter and his chest felt congested like so much was left unsaid and felt behind each stroke of red that he made on the calendar. He yearned for the forgiveness from her, from them all, he felt he didn’t deserve. His mind still told him as much. Three months after Josh’s exorcism she texted him. Then a week after that she called. Then two weeks after that she visited him. Chris had been there that day, he was always there, and had been the shield Josh needed to hide the shame that had presented itself as gnarled, dark, reddened flesh from Josh’s started transformation that eventually came to a halt upon leaving the mountain. Even with surgeries to close the far reaching hole in his face that planted carnivorous teeth it still was the dominant feature of that side his face. Josh had refused any more than necessary as his parent’s pockets were deep and plentiful but not limitless and the scar was something he felt he deserved not to remind him of his mistakes but to learn from them. Every time his mind faltered where medication and therapy could not mend a look in the mirror had been a means of grounding. He saw the souls of his sister’s dancing between the teeth that outgrew the healed flesh and he’d hum Fere Jacques to settle those souls and his shaky nerves then afterward almost immediately he’d call Chris. He had been the only lifeline since the exorcism and he didn’t mind. Josh had so much work to do. It didn’t seem as much with Chris around though. 

When Sam had finally visited she had been chipper to meet Josh. It was after the gradual build of courage it took her to confront her feelings and the betrayal that ran deep in her heart from Josh’s actions. She thought she understood him. She thought she knew him but she barely touched the surface. Josh was a rubix cube or maybe she was oblivious. How had she not known or seen the warning signs? Maybe she had been just as clouded because Hannah and Beth’s absence had hit her hard too. It was all she dealt with the months she was away and now her focus was Josh. She had approached him but was met with empty space because Josh had already concealed himself behind the wall known as Chris. Sam glanced up at Chris with confusion dressing over her face and he explained silently with a swirling hand gesture at the corning of his mouth what was ailing their friend. Sam seemed undeterred and offered her hand with the idea of a high five with Chris still the dividing point. It was an old exchange between them that dated back to when Josh first met Sam through Hannah. Their meeting had been awkward and forced and Sam broke the ice asking for a high five. Josh had been completely off-guard before he high fived her then they laughed and their friendship started. It had become an inside joke they developed. A special way to greet. Josh saw Sam’s peace offering and he couldn’t deny her but was taken off guard when she took her other hand to hold his. It was a tight, warm grip that radiated how she felt. 

“I missed you a lot…” Sam confessed with a sorrowful smile. She thought of Josh so much. Even when she had been angry and hurt. She remembered the biggest betrayal she felt was his ‘death’. A ghost back from the dead now it seemed so small but she took things slow. Her baby steps had opened a door to forgiveness they both needed and it was the second time Josh had genuinely cried since he had been awoken and freed from the gripping claws of the wendigo. It was when he learned they had a connection he’d never severe again. Sam’s highlighter had been laid to rest. 

Memories flooded into Josh’s mind like the sunlight into the room. He hesitantly took a hand and rested it on Chris’ motionless arm. If it weren’t for the rise and fall of Chris’ chest he’d swear he was dead. The thought made his heart quicken but he breathed silently and deep. He didn’t need to wake Chris over this. He started to deal with these torrents of thoughts and feelings on his own. It had reminded him of when he was encountered by Matt. 

It was a shock to be sure when Josh had opened his door to find his former friend on the other side maybe days after Sam had. Matt was assigned the orange highlighter and it definitely was only about a week since Sam’s had been retired to his nightstand drawer. The smile Matt had offered had bought Josh back from his wandering mind. There was a gentle smile that was genuine and showed he did not question the surgical mask concealing Josh’s face. So like himself, after Matt was invited in, he did not ignore the elephant in the room. Was it possible? Hell had been that night and any time after. It’d be foolish to ignore it. Matt’s smile had evolved into a look of concentration and seriousness Josh had never remembered seeing before during the entirety of all his time knowing him. He told Josh his experiences he had back at Blackwood after the prank began. The disbelief of Josh’s ‘death’, the tower, the mines and finding Jess. He wasn’t mad, wasn’t overly emotional or blunt but honest. He remembered the interviews and he felt he could’ve done more and that he wasn’t enough. This had not been limited to his actions of the night but in general after the horrible prank that led to the twin's disappearance. Matt had been diligent to speak his mind but a habitual nervous laugh interrupted him halfway when he realized he had memorized this meet-up for weeks after hearing the news of Josh’s miraculous return to the living and he had thoroughly fucked it up. He had so much to say but his mind had been disorganized and it was so much that it was like thoughts all trying to leave at the same time so they were stuck in the doorway. It was an awkward admission that eventually led to the two men laughing. It was the first time Josh had genuinely laughed since his consciousness returned and Matt smiled. The rise of Josh’s cheeks behind the mask foretold of his own smile and Matt had joined him, Chris and Sam for lunch and a movie after that. 

Chris had stirred in his sleep with the arm Josh had rested his hand on now working behind his head with nothing but his flattened pillow in-between it and his head. It was so quiet in the room with the exception of Chris’ breathing and the birds the chirping outside the window. Chris had lazily mumbled some nonsense in his sleep and it was a relief. It meant he wasn’t presently burdened by nightmares he also dealt with. Josh had become sensitive since his ordeal and his skin felt cold and he quivered nights Chris had nightmares. The feeling would creep just before Chris would wake with a start and screaming. What he said was always different. The thought was a plague to Josh’s mind because many of Chris’ nightmares had been from his prank. Nights when fear had peaked and tears were in his eyes were the worst because sometimes he woke up and didn’t recognize Josh at all then he feared him. It had been awhile since those horrid nights and it was the starting link to another memory. 

It was when he had seen Jess for the first time since coming back. It was strange. The lively girl he knew with the faux confidence had been quiet and meek when he saw her. It was six months after the exorcism and Jess had been assigned the purple highlighter. Chris, Sam and Matt had long been retired, Josh thought, and it provoked a small smile. He never sought out or forced their forgiveness but he had a deep embedded hunger for it. He needed it more than the spirit of the wendigo needed meat. He was sure his former friends had a need as well because here she was, Jess in his room after Josh’s mother escorted her to it before leaving the two to privacy. Josh subconsciously touched at his mask to be sure it was tight enough. Jess smiled as she stood outside Josh’s bedroom door with her hands behind her back. Her face had been touched with pale scars and she probably had many more that were covered by her jeans and pale sweater. She was a different girl to be sure. Her hair was gown out and draped behind her like a golden curtain. She didn’t hide behind a persona to shield her insecurities and she seemed at peace. It was a peace Josh craved as much as he did the forgiveness his mind reminded him he should never be granted. His eyes averted from Jess’ gentle gaze and he rubbed his arm that was bare from his grey t-shirt. Although Josh’s health had been improving by this point he was still skinny and frail. How his tee and sweats draped over his form was telling enough. Jess had greeted him and Josh lamely replied with his own. She said nothing about Blackwood and only strolled over to the window in Josh’s room to look outside. It was a long silence before she spoke. 

“….I’m so sorry.” She apologized and Josh had looked up from his distraction of his own scarred hands. She said nothing of the second trip to Blackwood but instead of the first. About the prank, her involvement and how sorry she was. She never took her eyes from the window but tears flowed freely and her foundation make up on her cheeks began to fade from her cheeks which revealed darker, deeper scars. Her quivering voice had been too much and Josh stood up and hugged her from behind and they cried. It was the first time Josh had thought of that night in such detail since he returned. Not even therapy had made the memories, or how he felt about them, this clear. What felt like hours of quiet tears had ended with Josh’s mother returning with a tray of refreshments and a tissue box. The two said nothing of his mother’s red eyes and nose when they all sat and talked for a long time with smiles. The purple highlighter saw its last days after that visit. 

Josh had sighed and tears pricked at the corners of his eyes when he remembered his encounter with Jess. He had a breakthrough in therapy after that. His therapist said it was key to touch those details and that grieving was healthy. Josh wasn’t grieving as much as he was relived. He grieved for so long, even for himself, that he was empty. His emptiness would slowly fill as his highlighters retired and as the sun baths his skin. Josh heard Chris mutter Ashley in his sleep and he his smile on his face had been somber. Ashley had been so pissed. Her highlighter had lasted for months. Josh had picked a soft pink to match the strawberry lip gloss she always had on her. 

“I will never forgive you, Josh.” It was the first thing she said to him when Chris bough her to the back of the Washington Estate, in the backyard, where Josh had enjoyed bird watching. Well, he watched more than birds. The grass, the flowers, the clouds, fucking nature itself. He always did this in the late morning with his sketchbook to relax and calm his mind. Well, after he gained the confidence to walk outside the house. His mask was secured tightly to his lower face as sat in his yard chair. His feet were perched at the curve of the chair and his knees supported his sketchpad. Josh’s pencil had halted at the sound of her voice full of conviction and assurance of her feelings and Josh’s back curved to hide his face between his knees; the sketchpad catching hot, fresh tears. Chris had objected to Ashley’s behavior and Josh quietly said it was okay although he never lifted his head. He knew he couldn’t retire all his highlighters. That was asking for too much. He didn’t deserve what he had already received. His back visibly trembled. 

“I came here to say that. I came here to tell you everything I felt ever since what you did but I can’t.” She continued with hesitant steps towards Josh. By his side she touched his shoulder. The contact had felt like fire, it burned and he almost flinched away. Her inner fire was hot and it was burning away the silly notions Josh had for repairing what he had damaged, possibly broken. Ashely’s hard expression softened and she sobbed before tears began to silently fall freely. She yelled at him and Josh hadn’t moved a muscle as he thought the torrent of emotions were so deep and distinct he could swear she was throwing personalities instead of words. She said anything she needed to say and whatever was on her mind even if it was harsh or worded poorly. When she finished, breathing heavy and body tensed with sadness and anger Josh looked up and turned to her with glassy, pale green eyes. He quietly apologized and he nearly fell out of his chair when he felt arms wrap around his frail form. Ashley began to cry harder, bawling her eyes out and she spoke between sobs about how worried she was and that she thought he was dead and when he came back she wanted to see him but couldn’t; not right away. Chris had silently watched and tears had been contagious. It was the first time since the exorcism that Josh felt like he could forgive himself. They were a hurdle of hugs and tears after Chris joined in. 

It was weird to remember that. It was like they both needed Ashley to vent then forgive. It wasn’t easy and some of the things Ashley had yelled at him still stuck deep inside like a knife an inch away from an artery. Still, she needed it and at least Ashely’s highlighter had been put to rest. Josh had kept the highlighters he no longer needed in the nightstand by the bed. It was a reminder of how far things have gotten. There were still a ways to go though. It was then Josh remembered Emily. 

She had been one of the longest to even hear any news or updates about. She had created distance between everyone after Blackwood. Even Matt despite their relationship still alive and going. They were often apart unless she called when she was vulnerable, open and was like a wound that needed mending. She always showed Matt her softer side and he knew when everything was better with Emily they’d be better and stuck by her. She was on the other side of the recovering spectrum and like Josh she slowly began to reintroduce herself to her previous life and friends with Matt’s help and support. It had taken close to a year and a half since Blackwood and by the time she had contacted Josh, through Matt’s delivery of her message in person, she had reestablished her severed relationships with the others. Even Mike and Ashley who were on her list she considered “dead to her”. Her strong demeanor had reflected through her delivered message as she requested Josh to visit her estate. She had no plans to go out to speak to him “on his terms” as she put it. With an apologetic smile from Matt after the message had been delivered Josh complied without question. He felt it was only fair after all. Sam, who was with him at the time, agreed to go with him for support. It was a long trip or it at least felt long, an eternity. Josh’s mind wandered about trying to predict what Emily would say, what she would do and knew her highlighter, assigned electric pink, would run dry before she’d ever forgive him. This charade was a way to vent which he owed her; he owed them all. What grounded his wondering mind was Sam’s grip at one his hands and Matt’s grip at the other during the ride Emily had hired for them. 

Standing before her within the lavished home of her and her family she stood tall, proud and as though she could step on anyone with a fatal stomp. Her body language was closed off, her arms folded, expression stoically cold and her hip jutted to the side, and there was silence. Sam seemed unsure but Matt looked to her to reassure everything was fine. Josh said nothing as he fought back the urge to bite at his scar on his lip as nervous as he was he worried he’d bite it off. Emily said nothing but the click of her heels had caught Josh’s attention. It was a blur but before he processed anything he was enveloped by warmth and the strong scent of Chanel. 

“Who the hell do you think you are thinking you’d get away from me so easily?” Her voice was meant to be hard but it was quiet and soft. She hugged Josh like he was a lifeline. She said nothing but her action spoke the loudest. Josh could almost see her thoughts parade in the air as she hugged him. A delayed reaction Josh hesitantly put up his hands before he realized he returned it. He gripped hard at her leather jacket and the action was returned with her squeezing harder; leaning her head on Josh’s bony shoulder. Even after a year he was still trying to build up lost body mass. 

“Don’t get tears on the jacket, it’s real leather. Too expensive to be ruined by unnecessary tears.” Emily warned and Josh let out a wet laugh after a silent sob. Sam was relived, her hand at her chest and she playfully punched Matt’s shoulder because he knew. He hadn’t shown an ounce of concern of what Emily might do or say because he knew her and knew she needed this, they both needed this. 

Josh sniffed, his sinuses beginning to swell as his memories harbored the emotions fresh and new. He had silently been awake for at least an hour-Josh found out checking his cellphone-as he watched Chris sleep soundly. He looked so carefree and _normal_. Like he used to before hell unleashed. Before Josh opened Pandora’s Box that graciously fucked with every single one of their lives. The guilt began to surface and it was a reminder his morning meds were waiting for him. Josh quietly excused himself from the bedroom and walked barefoot to the kitchen where his meds, a water bottle and a sticky note were placed. Josh smiled and he read the note: 

_Don’t forget your meds, bro. I need my phone and my ass can’t handle a 6 plus. -Chris <3_

An inside joke that bore a chuckled from Josh. It was during the first few months Chris had begun to devote his very being to help his best bro. Chris had said he’d eat and shit his phone before he would leave Josh hanging and let him down again. So it had become a regular thing for Chris to throw in a joke or two about his ass or losing his first love, his beloved phone. Josh took the note and placed it with hordes of others in the drawer that was placed in front of him. Throwing any of these endearing notes hadn’t even been considered. There was a sweet, reminder sticky note drawer; a bounty for sure. He took his morning meds and drink the entire water bottle in one go. He always made a mess as water dripped down his chin and neck and near inaudible patters of drops hit the floor. The sounds was so familiar like that day 2 months back from today. Josh had stared at his empty water bottle as he remembered when he finally saw Mike. His highlighter was the ever average yellow. The default color in the pack. It offered nothing new or special but it was the center of the marker pack and was a default choice for many. Josh hadn’t understood the choice until he stood in front of Mike. 

It was raining really hard that day. Josh had ventured outside to the park by himself. It was a rarity as Chris and/or Sam were usually within him when he left the house. He wasn’t ready to be alone, at least not until that moment he wasn’t. Rain fell like stones and Josh had walked out as he was in the early morning. A t-shirt and some sweats and was barefoot. He didn’t bother with his surgical mask and felt there wasn’t a point. The time of day barely anyone was out and he just didn’t care right now. The rain had been cold and unforgiving but the chill of the drops compared nothing to the cold, sharp pain deep inside. His mind had wondered deep and it was a the start of a bad day. He was to meet Chris in but a few hours to try a new gym that opened but Josh couldn’t stand the wait. His mind was loud and the dark hue under his eyes had deepened. He didn’t sleep like he promised he would. Although he never saw his sister’s gory hallucinations anymore sometimes felt like he could feel them around silently judging him. His meds kept his hallucinations and episodes in check but even the pharmaceutical treatment couldn’t counter days like this. Josh walked aimlessly through the neighborhood until he reached the outskirts where the park was. He followed the path until disrupted by the collision of a larger body. Josh barely opened his mouth to say excuse me but when he looked up to see a familiar, flabbergasted face. It was Mike. He had been jogging in the rain. Besides looking as though he saw a ghost he looked good. A tad more lean and cut as though his life was nothing more than a way to search for a distraction. His became health and exercise apparently. 

“M-Mike…” It was a stutter amplified by the slight influence by Josh’s mouth scars. Josh had seen Mike’s expression and he looked horrified. It clicked, he needed to cover his face. Josh reached for his face to realize leaving the house he didn’t give enough of a fuck to bring a mask with the prediction this early in the morning he’d be free of the scrutiny of public eyes. So much for that. Josh took his hand and covered his face and his eyes were now downcast to Mike’s sneakers that were laced with debris from his run. It was suddenly harder to breath and Josh’s vision began to shake. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t expect this, he didn’t- 

“Fucking apple nail biscuits, it’s really you.” He said in utter disbelief. Josh saw a sneaker back away and didn’t look up. He felt so tired and his vision blurred. Memories, in vague, frayed fragments began to pile. Mikes aggression, his disdain for him and how rough he was. Josh was a murderer in his eyes even if he saw Jess to be alive and well. They all, excluding Mike, had gone out not even two weeks ago. They went to the mall and Jess picked out a nice sweater that would help hide Josh’s small form. She said it helped and gave tips for covering scars with makeup and helped Josh find his skin complexion if he ever felt the need. 

“Get over here you son of a bitch.” He said before pulled Josh into a hug. It was tight and Josh had a hard time breathing. Mike took the hint by a sound of distress and back away with his hands on Josh’s shoulders. 

“You’re alive. You’re really fuckin’ alive. I can’t believe it. I saw-” Mike cut himself off as Josh stared at him with a tint of red at the corners of his eyes. Mike let go of Josh and began to pace in a circle. As a nervous habit he began to punch one hand into the other with a gentle tap that could be heard from the wetness of the rain. Mike stopped pacing and scrubbed his face as he let this chance encounter process. He hadn’t admitted to himself yet that he was devastated from Blackwood. That he still heard Jess’ screams in his sleep, saw the ugly fuckin’ mask of the killer chasing him in his nightmares and that worst of all he saw Josh dead; body mangled and ripped open as a wendigo ate as his corpse with intestines hanging from its fangs. Mike drowned in the blood of his former friend for almost two fucking years. He knew he was alive, he knew, but he chose to deny it and run from it. It was so fucking surreal. 

“Dude, I-“ Mike started but he let his head fall and held at his stubbly chin, and his shoulders trembled as though he was holding back a pack of elephants that were his emotions, “I’m so sorry, Josh. Fuck, I’m so sorry man, I didn’t mean-” Mike’s voice began to crack and even the fast falling rain could not conceal his tears. He looked beaten and defeated by his own denial and when the truth hit him it was like a freight train. He struggles to hold back sobs and before long they came out hard and violent. Josh had been devastated by the display and remained silent, his hand covering his face again, and didn’t know what to do or say. Tears had a mind of their own. Mike shook his head and took Josh’s hand that covered his scar and pulled it down. 

“Fuck man…fuck…” Mike had been racked with guilt and he sobbed harder. The great Mike Monroe is crying with no reserved is what Josh had thought two to three years ago but now he was crying too with small hiccups and a weird sound came from the back of his throat that had come from his partial transformation. It was a deep wailing like a pained animal. Another strong hold calmed the painful noises and it was that moment Josh knew he’d have a nightstand drawer with a complete set of highlighters. He had more work to do but his friends hadn’t severed themselves from him but were picking up pieces of themselves first. They were all broken teacups that were working to be whole again. The thought had snapped Josh from his flashback and he returned to the bedroom. Chris had still been sleep and Josh needed contact. He didn’t always crave it but when he did it was a deep longing. He crawled onto the bed and curled his body at Chris’ side as he let his head lay at the middle of Chris’ torso. He nuzzled into the soft warmth and his throat vibrated with a deep vibrating sound. The nuzzling and loud sound had woke Chris from his slumber. He was dazed with sleep and bedhead and yawned. He reached over for his glasses on the nightstand on his side and was greeted with a mass of dark hair in front of him. Heat ran across his face realizing Josh had taken refuge at his mid-section where he was the softest. He had been self-conscious about his ‘extra change’ and he cleared his throat to get his bro’s attention. 

“Dude, I gotta get up. S-stop.” It wasn’t entirely a lie, Chris had to pee but it wasn’t urgent. He wanted to hide away and put a thicker shirt on. Chris had always worn layers to hide the softness of his body and it worked. Lately, sharing his space with Josh he slowly grew out of it now down to one shirt compared to three but this very moment would have him reverting back to his old habits quicker than blinking. Josh said nothing but when Chris called him he turned his head to look to him but face remained on the torso cushion. 

“What’s up, Cochise?” He asked innocently. Josh hadn’t been teasing, he honestly never understand his bro’s hang up with some coin bag sag. It was practically baby fat and Josh liked it. 

“I gotta…uhh get up, come on.” Josh smirked leaning more weight on Chris’ clothes stomach. 

“Buck up, bro. I’ve got the best pillow around and not forkin’ it up over your hang ups.” Tint of red reached up to Chris’ ears. He tried to frown but it was more of a pout than anything. Josh had noted a while ago when Chris wasn’t dead serious he couldn’t manage a frown. It was a cute tell to be honest. 

“Shut it and move. It’s not exactly-” 

“What? Attractive?” Josh inquired with a furrow of his brows, “If you’re okay with this geographic disaster on my face then a little ‘extra change’ is the least of your worries.” Josh had said with an endearing tone as he took a hand to reach for Chris’ and interlocked their fingers. Chris was a sucker for affection and it had resulted in a smile. ‘Extra change’ had become something of a term Josh learned his bro used for his mid-torso chub that he seemed to be very self-conscious about. It explained his usually layer of clothing even when they weren’t facing the cold, Canadian winter. Josh still remembered back a few years before how Chris would edge them to work out together and he thought a few trips would cure him of it. The jokes he’d make about having muscle and all that. He had tried the same a few weeks back after the Mike encounter, Mike had joined them at the gym that day after they got the first time reunion out of their systems, and it was still just as charming if that was the word. Next time they’d bring Sam so Chris could actually accomplish something. 

“Very sweet and all but this bladder waits for no one, bro. You just had to make me say it. We’ve gone over this.” Chris teased with faux emotion when trying to explain his bladder’s boundaries. They chuckled in unison then laughed. Laughing felt good but Josh had his own hang ups. When he laughed hard enough now he had a strange accompaniment of a screech that he abhorred. It’d scare a person shitless if they didn’t know but Chris still continued to make him laugh. The bastard. Josh still made himself at home at Chris’ stomach during their times they slept together too. They were both canny son of a bitches who loved each other too much. 

“Next time tell your bladder to hold it.” Josh removed himself from the soft warmth. 

“Don’t make this awkward, bro. You know I love you both.” Chris didn’t let up the whole ‘third wheel’ joke like the nerd he was. Chris sat up and kissed Josh’s cheek before hauling his legs and feet over to his side of the bed before walking out in quest for the bathroom. Josh flopped face first on the bed and buried his face into Chris’s pillow. The scent had been as comforting and soft as he was. Josh had opened his eyes from his pillow nuzzling and smiled as he reached for the sunlight from Chris’ side of the bed. He truly was alive and was picking up the pieces. Maybe he was already together, they were already together; each a fragment of a greater cup. The thought left Josh feeling as warm as the sunlight as he curled into the sheets on Chris’ side. 

Thoughts of later on filled Josh’s mind and he felt that familiar spike of nervousness. They had planned a huge dinner with the reunion of the entire gang-something that has not been a thing since Josh’s return-and it was something to look forward to. Maybe things could be normal again. Not normal like before but the birth of a new form of normal. Josh fisted a handful of sheet in one hand at the realization he wanted everything to grow and be whole again. He was like a lizard missing its tail and was waiting for it to grow back. It wasn’t the same tail that was missed and loved but a new tail, although discolored and weird at first, was just as useful if not more that eventually looked natural on the body again. There were the familiar sounds of socked footsteps that gave the quiet apartment life. When Chris returned his expression fell comically deadpan. 

“This is where I perform the magic trick of going back to bed with you still on my side?” Chris teased and Josh didn’t move. He didn’t even turn his head or look up as the lower half his face was still buried into Chris’ pillow. He was practically purring it was so comfortable. 

“Do what you need to do, Cochise.” A blonde eyebrow raised in question. 

“Is that a challenge?” Josh wasn’t facing him but he could hear the smirk in his voice. It was like old times. There was still things to be done but it didn’t feel awkward like many other attempts to tease had. Yeah, things were morphing into something better. 

“Bring it, bro.” 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope the character were canon enough here. I always wanted to write something like this after the game where the characters pick up the pieces after the canon. I didn't cover everything here like Chris/Ashley or Mike/Jess concepts (this oneshot was already too long) but I'm glad I got this out of my system. I hope you enjoyed this fic!
> 
> My usual apology for any mistakes and such...


End file.
